Work In Colour - Work. Think. Live. In Colour
Tuesday 8th February 2011 | 19 comments
I've long been interested in the concept of equanimity. Many years ago I bought some cassette tapes of the rather wonderful Jack Kornfield talking about the 10 (or so) Buddhist qualities, and I was most taken with this idea of keeping a sense of composure, no matter what rocked your world.
In fact, I loved the tapes so much I transferred them into digital format, so I could listen again...and again. All sessions were great, but it was the equanimity one that had resonance.
You see, for a Buddhist, it's not just about the dictionary definition (which is mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium). You need to cultivate equanimity in the face of good stuff as well as bad, when all is going really well just as much as in challenging times. The well-known Buddhist saying This too will pass is an invitation for happy times as well as sad.
As I said at the start, I've long been interested in the concept of equanimity. Unfortunately, the actual practice of it has proved more elusive. I tend to lurch from the depths of despair (no new clients today, bad nights' sleep, run in with my teenager) to the heights of excitement (big new client, an email from a fan, unexpected present) and back again.
Not very useful.
For a while, I seemed to have the hang of it - balanced cycles of work and rest, reasonable sleep, a healthy perspective on the highs and lows. Then last year, it seemed to slip away...I was becoming overly sensitized to life's little dramas all over again.
Just this week, it's been like some nightmarish roller coaster, up one minute and down the next. One day it's a messy conflict with a (once) good friend, then an unexpected kiss from my son; a colleague I had trusted who let me down, then a big new chunk of business from someone I haven't heard from in ages. Sickness, health. Happy, sad. Up, down. And so it goes.
Can you relate to this? I'm off to meditate now (a trusted remedy for me). Other suggestions are welcome...what do you do to handle life's ups and downs?
Tag: change
WOW!! That describes me to a tee - I am in fact a to-yo and have also been meditating every day (for 10 days straight). Apparently it takes 21 days to form a habit and make it stick and if you miss once you need to go back to the beginning so I'm determined to see it through It should help with the ups and downs and reinforce the positive thinking. Really enjoying your blogs.
Thanks Lisa, glad you're enjoying the blog. And good luck with the meditation, it has done great things for me...
Oh Joanna, the curse and joy of the creative soul. One of my great acting mentors always said -' don't worry when you miss out on a role, it means you need to be available for the better one just around the corner.'
When the yo-yo starts I've found that I need to exercise, even just walk, which is of course another form of meditation. I feel all that energy needs to be used up. Interestingly the world around us seems to be in the same state.
Mariette, I do agree that walking is vital to my sense of well-being. Music, also, helps restore a sense of balance and rhythm to my over-active imagination!
I generally work from home.
One of my greatest issues is self doubt and ensuing distraction activities.
If I am drawing/designing I will often listen to audio books or music to drown out my critical self thoughts. It calms me and readies me for work. If I am writing I cannot listen to songs with vocals.
Swimming is my own movement meditation- laps are not boring for the zoned out lover of cool blue.
Hi Joanna... Ahhh... classic stuff. Definitely a good sign of a true artist.
No wonder mothers check in on 'are you eating / sleeping / exercising well dear...' Some things you can outsource, but these self-supporting logistics are not so easy to.
The eternal challenge of keeping those daily logistics going smoothly, while also having the extra time to do our inventive cogitating is probably a life-long challenge.
The 2 things I seem to keep reverting back to are:
- thinking "I've gotta get to bed early tonight"
- great music on all day
Hi Joanne,
I am noticing that I am becoming a bit more tentative in my language and maybe that is a way for me to have a bit more 'equanimity' and less of the roller coaster. I have just recently started working as a Psychologist (after many years of hard work and longing and at the age of 52) and after a challenging start - because it was all so new and scary - I am now starting to find my feet. I am noticing that I am saying things like "I am getting a glimmer of the confidence that I think will get stronger" or "I want to be cautious (because I know I am still in the new wobbly stage) but today was a good day". I think that I too want a bit more emotional stability in my inner self. I know that I am missing out on the rush from statements like "I had a fantastic day - I felt so great with the clients" but I am enjoying the more peaceful state that the more cautious words can bring. My more cautious observations of my feelings also then feel more.....real and solid.... Interesting - I am still considering this new approach. I think I like it.... Thanks for your ponderings and their effect on my self-reflection.
Great comment, I like the idea of drowning out the voices!
Rachael, Eileen, thanks for the great tips. It's great to hear other people's stories and ideas about this stuff.
I so identify - and so do many as evidenced by the comments thus far. Yes, walking and exercise, as well as meditation are in my arsenal (well, the meditation bit is in theory a bit too much of the time). Also I find listening to uplifting, inspiring podcasts when I'm out walking is really good. Current favourite series is the Social Entrepreneur Empowerment series.
I completely get what you're talking about. I had a major health issue last year and all of my coping techniques for starting a small business have pretty much come out of what I learned to manage my health better.
I do combinations of walking, yoga, acupuncture, cooking, reading, allowing myself to have an off day, whatever works.
There's a guy I met last year who I follow a lot, his blog is called "everything belongs" which I find very helpful. He's a christian preacher, his approach seems to be very inclusive to all faiths and philosophies.
Claire, I agree entirely. In fact after writing about Jack Kornfield I was inspired to get hold of one of his audiobooks for a listen. Thanks for the comment!
Rachel, thanks for your story. I particularly liked the possibility of surrendering to having an off day, giving yourself permission to do less than your best every now and then, good idea!
Glad to know this is part of life and not a personal pathology! :-)
I find that equanimity arrives and stays around better when I delay doing e-mail until 11am AND attend to at least one thing between when I wake and 11am that I feel contributes value in some way. It could be 10 mins of touching base with someone. It might be watering a plant; it might be reading an article that will feed my thinking and help with a task I'm busy with. Point is - when I do that no matter how the day unfolds, I end the day with at least one thing to look back on that felt worthwhile. And equanimity seems to like that. Hmm... think I better take my own advice more regularly. Good luck to us all in befriending equanimity so she becomes a welcome daily feature. (PS - I do think that like happiness and other emotions, equanimity ebbs and flows and we need to allow this rather than expect her to be a constant state. Question is - how quckly can I re-invite her when I fill up my life with stuff that encourages her to slip away??).
Svea, thanks for the lovely comments. I am sitting here dreaming up an enticing invitation to Equanimity right now :)
We all come to some point in life that it seems like roller coaster ride. One time you are very happy then all of a sudden you can't stop bursting into tears. I my self have experienced the same thing. This normally comes if the unexpected seems to visit you frequently. Meditation is really a good way of coping up. I would suggest taking a good weekend walk/jog with simple things that will make you feel satisfied. Best things in life are for free so why not take advantage of them all! At the toughest of times, learn to forgive not only those who made you feel wronged but also forgive yourself. We are not perfect although we all strive to be. At the end of the day, we only wanted to feel loved and appreciated for who we are. So start appreciating and loving others and I'm sure you'll get the same response.
Hi Joanne.
Thank you for saying out loud what many people experience. Judging from the posts you really struck a chord.
I got off the roller coaster when I realised that I put my value into what did or did not happen to me. I was so dependant on my external environment to tell me I was ok, it left me feeling unstable and needy.
My breakthrough was realising that only I can create and hold my value and now I relate to the world from my worth. This has completely turned my world around!
How liberating to have things happen around me and not have it be about whether I was good enough!
If business is quiet or something did not work out the way I hoped, I no longer spiral into self doubt (and have to claw my way back up again). I function in the world with much more freedom and energy because it is no longer about me!
The work I now do with clients is to show them how to create and set their own value. This is how the Laws of Attraction really work. Know what you are worth and watch how your reality starts lining up with that.
That is equanimity!
That's a wonderful blog. I just "stumbled" over it when I looked at all the blogs I had redirected to my "read later" folder (thanks to productivity measures ;-) ). Hence the late reply.
I am a big fan of the equanimity concept as well - and of course I am also struggling once in a while - as everybody else.
What did help me quite a lot was a 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat (http://www.dhamma.org.au) which is exclusively about equanimity. There you really get a boost and learn a great technique how to meditate on equanimity. I know, it's a lot to commit to 10 days but it's absolutely worth it. You basically learn to focus on your breath which is a wonderful tool to get you out of this "reacting" cycle.
I agree that meditation, yoga, swimming, walking, being creative, enjoying nature, listening to music, etc. are all wonderful tools to calm you down. When you additionally use your breath this happens even quicker. But sometimes there are situations where you can't escape and go for a run. How wonderful is it than, that you still have your breath (or breathing technique) to support you? I personally find it invaluable.
Martina thank you. And it's very timely - as an avid 'walker for equanimity' it has been very difficult for me this week, as I badly sprained my ankle and can only hobble around. I used some of your breath ideas yesterday, to great effect. Thank you!