Work In Colour - Work. Think. Live. In Colour
Wednesday 25th November 2009 | 8 comments
Have I mentioned that I'm busy, really busy? Well, now I am REALLY REALLY busy and life is so hard, and it's not fair, and I will never get all this done, and it's all my fault for taking on too much, and are there really only 4 weeks to Christmas, and why doesn't anyone ever help me, and it's not fair and it's too much, and I will never manage it all and...
I could go on, but you get the drift, I am sure...
I am busy, that's true. And I have probably taken on a bit too much, that's true, too. But the rest? That's just the story I tell myself whenever the ante is upped and the pressure increases. It's a familiar story, it's a strangely comfortable place to be, but is it real? Not really. Is it helpful? Absolutely not!
I've spent the last week or so acutely aware that I am just telling and retelling an old story, but still seemingly powerless to extract myself from it. Waking in the night with the story running round my head like a broken record (sorry, malfunctioning MP3 file...). Catching myself at odd moments wailing to myself like some self-pitying child. Playing out a three-act tragedy, with roles for the those little voices in my head - and the Martyr and the Despairing One holding auditions for the lead part. Hearing the rising panic in my voice as I juggle one more commitment or explain to my son that we have run out of juice because I just didn't have time to buy it. Aware that all this drama was actually preventing any truly creative thought - it was a masquerade, not the real thing.
All this drama had to stop, but how?
Well, I tried ramping up my productivity (with some success) and I delegated things to my fabulous virtual assistant (with some success) and I did breathing exercises (with some success) and I repeated the Buddhist mantra that 'This too will pass' (with some success) and I reminded myself that I will have a lovely break after Christmas (with some success).
But the play wasn't over. At best, I had reached interval...the players were off-stage, but already changing into their costumes for the third act.
Then last night, I saw the word 'Surrender' written on a wall. That was it. Not resistance, not submission, but Surrender.
The tension melted, the players left the theatre, I slept through the night. I woke this morning refreshed and with a sense of space around my story.
Today, I can actually do all the work, be creative and productive, reclaim my headspace.
Today I feel free.
Tags: rushing, creativity, drama, productivity
I've started saying "I've got a lot on" instead of "I'm really busy". I think it makes me sound more efficient ;-)
Love it, Zoe! Half our story is in the language we use to tell ourselves the story, so this is a winner...
Gotta go now, I've got a lot on today!
Oh, this is so true! I act out this drama at the same time every year, worrying about my Christmas to do list, how I'll juggle work commitments around school holidays, panicking every time another writing brief pings in my inbox (when I should really be relieved of course, the work still flows in). This year I am determined to let it all go, delegate more (mainly to my partner) and learn to say 'no' if I need to.
You are so right - all that busy-ness crowds out the creative idea that will make it all come together. Thanks for sharing!
Fabulous post Joanna
Thanks Sara, It amazes me how much more I have got done just this morning - the shift in my mind has created real space in my day, too. I wonder how much real time I have spent in the last few weeks carrying about how little time I have, instead of just using it??
Thanks Ensha for the kind feedback (always good to hear you've struck a chord!)
Joanna
Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side. ~The Talmud
See, I could have saved even more time by writing this blog in 17 words and two punctuation marks :)
Thanks Astrid, that is such a lovely way of saying it...
Joanna