Work In Colour - Work. Think. Live. In Colour
Wednesday 2nd June 2010 | 14 comments
I was lucky enough (actually, privileged enough) to attend the inaugral TEDx Sydney event at Carriageworks a couple of Saturdays ago. So many ideas, so many fascinating people on and off the main stage. Amazing day.
Apart from 'discovering' Missy Higgins (as usual, I am the LAST person in the whole world to do so) one of the highlights for me was listening to a guy from South Australia's Flinders University talking about whether compromise is the best option, at least most of the time.
Jon Jureidini (who is Associate Professor, Head of the Department of Psychological Medicine, Women's & Children's Hospital and Senior Research Fellow, Department of Philosophy - and a member of Healthy Skepticism) told a couple of stories about patients whose parents were going through divorce. One boy who spent half his time with Mum and half with Dad, both of whom were stressed and unhappy. They lived quite far apart so he attended a school halfway between their houses. The result was that he spent hours traveling each day and had no local friends near either parent's house. He was quite miserable.
Jureidini suggested that compromise was often more about pleasing people than solving difficult dilemmas correctly. He pointed to 'the fallacy of the middle ground' in cases such as that of his young patient, as well as in many business situations, and in politics. He believes we have become altogether too risk-avoidant in our decision making.
A better approach, says Jureidini, is to choose a hard-edged option and live with the consequences, to find a way to make your decision work.
He had three hot tips:
A senior colleague who works for a major corporate regulator was completely horrified that I would even question the validity of a compromise approach...so I'm expecting some flak for this idea.
But I do think in my own business I have pussy-footed around for too long, followed the mainstream approach, played it safe with clients and in the content of my presentations. It's a bit like that Nelson Mandela speech (and yes, I know he 'stole' the central idea from someone else...) about how playing small doesn't serve the individual or the planet.
So, I'm going to risk being wrong and take a few chances. Anyone want to join me?
Tags: compromise, risk
I believe that sometimes, not always, compromise is the only way to reach a decision. Better to make a decision than reach an impasse. However, I agree with your idea that "playing small doesn't serve the individual or the planet". Compromise should be reached AFTER serious attempts are made to reach the most courageous and fair decision.
Thanks for the thought provoking exercise, it's working well along with my morning coffee.
I will join you.......on second thoughts perhaps I do this anyway!! Just need to be braver and stick to my convictions!
I love this point of view Joanna - thank you for sharing it. It reminds me of my most eccentric English friend who is a pretty wild character; one of his constant chants is 'my country, right or wrong' in terms of being true to oneself.... and another one - involving a swear word so be warned is 'f©©koffski, no compromise!' - which he regularly says out in public. Walking around London with him, visiting his favourite cafes, is an adventure in itself!
I like the coin analogy, Joanna!
In Purple Cow, Seth Godin wrote that 'safe is risky'. I didn't used to get this, but now I do.
Safe is joyless and enervating. And it keeps you thinking about danger, thus defeating the purpose.
Better to go down swinging than sit out every dance of your life.
I think I just stole and mashed five metaphors there, but you get the idea. Great post as usual! P. :)
Thanks Diane, Lesley and Claire for your great contributions to the discussion.
Diane, I like your point about serious attempts coming first (the current Middle East dramas being a case in point there).
Lesley, I agree about bravery, always a necessary part of the toolkit.
And Claire, I have already adopted your English friend's little saying - though I think I will practice under my breath for the moment!
Thanks Paul for this - your comment slipped in while I was replying to the others :)
Love the metaphors. 'Sit out no more dances", I say!
As always, a pleasure to read your blog and I am always left with something worthwhile to ponder for the day.
I will review the situations where I would normally aim for compromise and instead aim for a better outcome.
Thanks for your kind comments, Michael. And I like the way you say you will use the blog as fuel 'to aim for a better outcome', because I did have a nasty vision about 30 minutes ago of all these people running round taking senseless risks then using my blog post as a defence in court, as in 'She made me do it' :)
My parents preached this about compromise: “You're unhappy? I'm unhappy too. A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied.” Through the years I learned that compromise tended to shift the goal-posts with regards to my morals, standards, expectations and personal responsibility. More and more compromises didn’t fit into my paradigm of thinking and beliefs. Compromises felt too much like compromising the foundations of my own self. I would never make a good politician or diplomat.
Compromises don’t solve problems they create different ones. I’d be interested to learn how compromises are solving problems for your corporate regulator colleague – what problems are actually being solved and which ones are getting compounded?
Thanks Zoe, I will talk more to my colleague, so watch this space as they say.
I suspect that for a lot of people in the corporate world this ties in very closely with the widespread risk-averse culture out there. And it's true, take a risk and you could easily end up wrong, even worse off.
But I also believe what you say, 'Compromises don’t solve problems, they create different ones.' Like the coin spinner, pick heads or tails and you take a risk, pick nothing or fence-sit and you are often guaranteed to be wrong...
There is not a little bit freedom.
We are either free or not.
I spent much of my life trying to be safe, well-educated with good jobs and I WAS very worried of how to stay safe.
The more of that (generally agreed) safety net I give away, the better I feel.
Astrid, thank you, much truth as usual...
Really liked this one, Joanna. You did mention that the point was to question whether compromise is the best option. Sometimes it is but sometimes not. It shouldn't be discarded but also shouldn't be put up on a pedestal as some sort of ideal to strive for regardless of the other aspects of the situation or issues involved. The guys who wrote "Getting to Yes" in their follow up book "Getting Past No" refer to a BATNA - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. If the compromise is less than that, walk away. You just need to think about it in advance.
Thanks Phil, I really like the BATNA idea. And I think it is exactly the 'putting it on a pedestal' that I have problem with. Compromise is only one of several possibilities and not always the best one...