Work In Colour - Work. Think. Live. In Colour
Monday 15th November 2010 | 4 comments
Whether you're struggling to understand another person's point of view, or crafting a presentation and unsure of how your audience will react, or locked in conflict with a colleague, this handy tip will help.
It's called 'Mapping Needs and Fears' and I have been using it since I came across it years ago in the first edition of Everyone Can Win by Cornelius and Faire (recently updated and freely available).
I have been using it quite a bit lately, to help a client facing a difficult negotiation - and for myself, in a curly situation with an old friend. In both cases, it worked. Really well.
It works because people are motivated by both their needs and their fears (or concerns). So, if you are trying to understand someone else's viewpoint, there is no better place to start than by listing these as best you can.
Needs: What does the person need? Needs can include wants, desires, values, interests or the things that they care about that fire them up. Needs can include a promotion, a good night's sleep, respect, acknowledgement, space to work, time to think or a good laugh.
Fears: What does the person fear? What are they concerned about? Fears could include losing your job (or a chunk of income), feeling overwhelmed, having too much to do, being bored, being laughed at, failing or losing control.
It doesn't matter whether you think these needs and fears are important or even rational. If they exist, they will form part of the person's motivation. They are part of what makes that person tick. They will shape their reaction to your presentation, their reasons for decisions or their response in a conflict.
Once you have a map of the needs and fears, it will be much easier to explore the gaps and craft a response that really deals with the underlying issues. In many cases, it will be appropriate to develop a map together with all the people concerned, but even if you have to do it alone, you'll gain a deeper perspective and hopefully see some common ground or a mutually workable solution you can propose.
Don't just ask these questions about the other person in your situation, of course. You will learn as much (and maybe more) by asking yourself the same questions.
What do you need in this situation? What are your fears?
Tag: tips
Yeah...
It seems we are all worried heaps and face internal struggles. spending our lives to learn that nobody is stronger than we...
So true, Astrid, thanks for this!
Your comments have come at a very approriate time - I have recently moved in with my 92 year old mother to assist her and have been struggling to remain sane. We are often at loggerheads - two strong minded women, used to living alone, should never live together. Soo......I will give your idea a try.
Gai, sounds like a most challenging situation. I wish you luck, and I'd love to know if the needs and fears approach is helpful.